Two of a Kind
by Ceemma
Summary: Sometimes, a moment in the past of two peoples can impact on their life, long after it had happened. - Post Thor movie, Post  future  Avengers movie. I do not own any of this, only my ideas. 11 chapters and 1 epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

**Part 1- Locks**

Even if a wedding wasn't really in discussion, the relationship between Thor and Jane Foster was a strong one. And it was a dagger in the heart of Sif. Each time she saw Thor return to Midgard, she knew he was going for her...

It was a strange feeling. And she could not explain this pang of jealousy. He was her dearest friend, a noble warrior, a strong soul, and a boisterous leader.

She would have followed him until the end of the world. Without him having to even ask.

She was being unfair to him. He was going to Midgard to see Jane, it was true, but it was mainly to fight his mischievous brother. To bring him back so he could be judged in Asgard.

Another twist in her heart. Loki had been a friend... At least, she had thought so. Of course, he never really liked her, she knew it well enough by now. He was always thinking so highly of himself, and she was but a warrior. True, she was Shield Maiden of Asgard, but it meant nothing to him. They'd had a few good moments, when they were young. The gift of a flower, a cutting word to a boy who was upsetting her... She believed he was a friend. Not as dear as Thor, for he had this habit, of hiding and sneaking... Something she never really liked, it made her skin crawl. And a true warrior fights up front. But he had always been there to help them, with his words, his dagger or even his tricks...

What had gone wrong with him? She had never understood him, but, to be fair, she had never tried either. Not that he had ever showed anything of interest in her friendship. He was always so cold and distant; a contrast to Thor, his emotions easily seen on his open face... And Loki was dangerous, with his so called silvertongue.

'Sif? Are you alright, my dear?' Startled, Sif turned and found Frigg looking at her. She had been wandering in the garden.

'Yes... Yes, my Queen.' She smiled to her Queen, who had so much to worry about.

Frigg looked at her, serious, and, lowering her head, she asked, 'Sif, I would like to show you something. Would you come with me?'

Sif was surprised, for the Queen was very serious. She wondered what was happening when she realized Frigg was headed for Loki's room... Was it something that would help them find him again? Something she should bring to Thor? His room was vast, even by royal standards, and she wondered what he was doing in here to need such space... She noticed the books and she almost smiled, Loki and his books...

She stopped thinking when she saw her Queen kneeling beside Loki's bed and taking something out from underneath. She approached, curious and still not understanding. Frigg looked at her, sadness in her face and, with gravity, opened the box. Sif's breath caught in her throat. The box contained locks of her hair...

_She was young and her hair was the color of dark gold. She didn't remember exactly what had happened. A game, a choice to make, she ended__ up going to the ball with Thor rather than Loki... And in the morning, her hair on her pillow, cut... It grew back, but darker and darker... She knew it would, her mother had told her it would darken with the years, but she didn't care... It had been the act, not the consequence. They all knew who had been responsible and even if Loki had been punished, not least by Thor, she would never forget what had happened... The worst part was that she had never understood why, the sense of betrayal so strong in her heart._

Her hand trembled, almost touching the locks. 'Why?' She looked at the Queen, not understanding, the question as much towards Frigg as Loki. Why did he keep her hair? Why was she showing her this?

Frigg sighed, closed carefully the wooden, exquisitely carved box. She kept it on her knees while she sat, caressing it absentmindedly. She motioned slightly for Sif to come and sit beside her. Sif didn't move, shocked. Frigg sighed again and said, 'He was in love with you.'

The words were simple... simple and yet she could not understand them. How was it possible? Loki couldn't be in love, with anyone and certainly not with her! She shook her head, in denial... 'No!' She began, but Frigg raised a hand to silence her.

She stared, hard, at Sif. 'Yes. My son, Loki, was in love with you. I know he never spoke about it to anyone. Even I had trouble finding out. He had always been discreet, almost shy, about his feelings...'

Sif snapped, not thinking, 'But he showed me only contempt and coldness!'

Frigg looked at her, calmly, 'Yes, it's true. He was so afraid that you would find out, that you would laugh at him.' Frigg looked up at Sif, 'After all, you were always with Thor, his brother's dearest friend as he liked to call you.' Frigg sighed again and left the bed, putting the box back under. 'I wanted to show you this, so that you know Loki was not without a heart... That at least someone, other than me, knows this part of him that he kept secret from all of us...'

Such sadness in her voice. Sif realized that the Queen thought her son was dead. And perhaps it wasn't such a misguided idea. If Thor or his earthling friends found Loki, after all he had done, he wouldn't survive the encounter.

'I am sorry, my Queen... I can't...' Sif voice faltered, she did not know what to say exactly.

'I was not expecting anything from you, Sif. I was merely sharing something of my son...' Frigg's voice lowered, 'In the hope that, if he ever comes back home, he won't be surrounded only by enemies...'


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2 – A fateful ball.**

Sif's mind was troubled. What Frigg had showed her had changed her view of Loki. All that she had held true about him seemed wrong. He had not been cold towards her, he was merely protecting himself from the hurt she was causing him in being so close to Thor; his older brother, the heir, the one who had everything...

She missed Thor and, she had to admit, her ego had trouble accepting the fact that he was in love with a mortal, when he had her beside him, for so many years. Oh, Jane was quite an interesting mortal; intelligent, bright, witty and passionate. But she was a mortal; she won't be able to stay by his side for the rest of his life! He would suffer when she will, without doubt, die.

Her heart was hurting and now she had to add guilt; guilt for not seeing Loki as he was, for having been so rude to him when all he wanted was affection. Of course, she did not want to take all the blame; he could have been friendlier in his approach, he could have shown more interest in her. But she knew she was deluding herself. Loki would have never dared come near her, not with the way she was treating him, not with the boisterous Warriors Three and Thor beside her at every hour of the day. The worst was that she wouldn't have laughed at him... She wouldn't have been cruel... But he would not have come, not after what she had sworn to do to him if he ever was near her again. Of course, it was after he cut her hair, and when they were still so young, but she remembered now, and only now, his face when she had come to him, ready to punch and hurt and take her anger out on him. He was guilty, but now that she thought about it, it was just hair. And he had been severely punished. Sif sighed, walking in the garden. The past was the past and she couldn't change anything. But perhaps she could change what was to happen.

Frigg was often in the garden too and, although Sif wasn't really ready to confront her queen, she needed answers. Visibly, Frigg knew her son very well and perhaps she could help her to understand why Loki had done what he had done. 'My Queen? I need to speak with you.' Forward, always, never falter, as a true warrior.

Frigg looked at Sif with mild surprise; she had noticed the tension in her. 'What can I do for you, Shield Maiden of Asgard?' The tone was cold, reminding her that it was to the Queen she was speaking, but Sif didn't let this bother her.

'I need your help in... in understanding your son's actions.' And she stared at Frigg, challenging, hoping she would be able to give a sense to this madness.

The Queen sighed, nodded and got up from what she was doing with the roses. She gestured at Sif to move along with her. Sif acquiesced and followed her silently. The Queen was thoughtful and Sif was worried that she had indeed offended her queen. 'Sif, what do you know of the past of Loki?'

That was certainly the most awkward question Frigg could have asked and Sif did not understand exactly how it could relate to Loki's actions. 'His past? You mean his childhood?' No reaction from the Queen. Sif exhaled noisily, slightly exasperated, 'I don't know what you want from me, my Queen. Loki's past is the same as Thor's, as mine. We have grown up together and he has never been different...'

'Exactly!' Snapped the Queen, 'That's what I wanted to hear you say. Loki's never really been different from any of you...'

Sif shifted, uneasily, 'My Queen, his _past_ was no different but _he_ had always been different, from us...'

Frigg turned towards Sif, 'Explain then...'

Sif raised her eyebrows, not understanding what it was all about... Sighing, Sif began, 'He had always preferred magic, books...' She realized it wasn't so easy to define Loki's difference; it was something that had grown with time... 'I supposed it was because he wasn't physically as strong as his brother...'

'And you belittle him for that?'

'No! I had never belittled him for that!' She lowered her voice; she was still speaking to her queen. 'My Queen, I had never abased your son, I had respect for him...' her voice caught on these words. Yes, she had had respect for him once, before he'd done this to her hair...

The Queen seemed to understand where her thoughts were going... 'Your hair... Was it so precious to you that you still keep a grudge against him?'

There was a sneer in the Queen voice; Sif was insulted by it and snapped back, 'Do you think so little of me, my Queen? It is _not_ for this...' gesturing to her hair, 'that I lost my respect for him. It was for his actions, for his sneaky attitude, because he betrayed me that day!' There, Sif realized, was a long lost truth, for betrayed she had felt that day...

'He betrayed you?' There was surprise in Frigg's voice, for she had seen the truth and the hurt in Sif answer. 'It is not what I've heard. Loki told me it was you that betrayed him that day.'

Sif was speechless, how could he say that when he was the one who...? 'My Queen, I don't know what he has told you, but I can swear I did no such thing.' Sif was trembling, and she did not understand why. They were such old memories, for something with no real importance, but the feelings were still there and she could not push them away.

Frigg looked at her, and then gently taking her arm, she went and sat with Sif by her side. 'Why don't you tell me what happened on that fateful day?'

Sif hesitated, it was so long ago. She began with a low voice, trying to remember exactly.

_She had been very nervous __that day. She knew about the ball and she wanted to invite Loki. Thor was out of the question; he didn't like dancing, and he would have groaned and moaned all night. Going with Loki would have meant laughter, mischief and a few dances, for Loki knew how to make her dance without making her feel dumb. She had always felt at ease with Loki. They were two of a kind, different. She a warrior girl, Loki a slim warrior skilled in magic. When she had asked him, in the morning, she thought he would refuse for she knew the girl Sigyn was after him. And Sigyn was so much more beautiful than her. He had smiled, warmly, and had accepted. She was overjoyed, but tried to hide it. Later that day, after the practice with Thor and Loki, Sigyn had come. She had asked Loki to the ball. Sif had looked at him, half-smiling. It had come like a punch in her heart when she had heard him say that he would be honoured, his voice so light with amusement. Her vision had darkened and she heard herself ask Thor to come with her. Thor had accepted, with his habitual puffing and groaning. And she had left the field, without looking back to Loki and Sigyn..._

'Ah...' Frigg's voice was soft, sad. 'It seems there has been a misunderstanding between you two, my dear.'

Sif looked up at Frigg, feeling ashamed to remember so clearly that moment, what she had felt. Realizing that, once, long ago, she had had feelings for Loki.

Frigg went on, 'This is what I have gleaned. Loki was excited that you asked him to the ball, you know? He came to me that morning. I had never seen him so happy...' Frigg stopped, lost in the memory, the face of her son, enlightened by his joy at being invited by the one he loved... 'Then, if you had but waited... He was going to refuse Sigyn. He never wanted to go with her. When you asked Thor to the ball, Loki was hurt. He never understood, or rather, he thought you had been playing with him, that you had changed your mind, that he was not enough for you...'

Sif wasn't speaking, a lump in her throat. How painful it was to learn this after so many years. Sif could not comprehend why it hurt her so badly...

They stayed silent for a moment, each of them lost in their memories of Loki. 'My Queen?' Sif wasn't sure about what she wanted to ask, for she was still lost. She wanted, perhaps more now than ever, to understand.

Frigg didn't answer, she just nodded. Sif asked then, 'Do you know a reason, something... _Anything_... That might explain why Loki has done what he has done?' A desperate note had crept into Sif's voice.

The Queen sighed, 'Loki... My son had learned something about himself that... Something that hurt him, deeply...' Sif stayed still, waiting for the Queen to tell her. Frigg then looked straight at Sif, her voice calm when she said, 'Loki is our adopted son. He's a Jotun, the son of Laufey.'

Sif knew that words could hurt, but she never thought that they could inflict such a blow. She felt them physically. She stood, almost jumping from beside the Queen. She stared at Frigg, her face a mask of incredulity. But no sound could come out of her mouth... Minutes past and Frigg's face softened, she sighed sadly and stood up to go back to her work in the garden. Sif was left behind, in shock, in disbelief.


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3 – The Prince is back.**

He was back. Loki was back in Asgard, but not in the way he wanted. Chains around his wrists and ankles weren't what he had imagined. Not the Grand Return of the Prodigal Son. And the cell wasn't the Throne Room, by far. His wonderful and mighty brother, the God of Thunder, Thor himself, had come to him, but in the end, a mere mortal had defeated him. How pathetic... Somewhat, he deserved to be put in jail, to have failed miserably at the hand of mortals had been unthinkable, and yet here he was.

A shift in the stance of the guard alerted Loki that someone of importance had just arrived. He waited, he wasn't going to stand for his _guest_. It was Lady Sif, no doubt doing the spying work of his non-to-clever brother. A bitter chuckle escaped him, "My dear Lady Sif, I did not know that you were at the service of my brother. Oh wait, I actually do know...' And he smiled, like a knife.

Sif froze. It was his voice, cold as she remembered, and bitter. She sighed, what was she doing here? After what Frigg had told her, she wasn't sure how she would react to Loki. But there he was, and she could not see a sign of his true origin. She just could not accept this idea; it was too much too believe that this prince, with whom she had grown up with, was of the same evil race they had been taught to hate. And perhaps that was the problem, to judge an entire race by the deed of a few. And so the question arose; if Loki was evil, as so many people had said, what was the cause? Was it because he had been born a Frost Giant, supposedly evil? Or was it because of the little vexations and minor differences he had suffered in his upbringing; differences he had attributed to his parents always knowing he was not their real son. She shook her head, it was futile. Here she was, in front of his cell.

He was in an unremarkable stone cell, gray and uniform, no windows, with an entrance locked by a transparent wall of force. You could actually touch it, and its surface was colder than the coldest blizzard, and unbreakable. The cell contained a single stone bench, with a woolen blanket, nothing else. Loki was facing her, seated at the far end, a smirk on his thin lips. She did not understand the remark, 'Prince Loki, I serve no one beside the All-Father. Your brother is a dearest friend to me, but I do not _serve_ him...' She raised an eyebrow, 'I wonder what it is that makes you say such things?'

He sneered, 'If not for my brother, for what reason are you here? And please spare me the _I do care_ part of your lie...'

She had a crooked smile, 'Well, it will be simpler then, I won't have to say it for I do not lie.' And she added nothing, looking at him.

Loki looked up at her, trying to see through her mask, and find out what was going on. He was sure they were spying on him and that Sif was sent to play the friend and find out his secret. Why else would she be here? He sat back, and waited. He had all the time he wanted, after all.

Sif did not move. She was a good hunter. Frigg had asked her, indirectly, to rekindle her friendship with her son. She would try, but she knew it was going to be difficult. He was certainly bitter, he would not trust anyone, her least of all, and he would try to escape. She shook her head again, noting how he looked at her, a smirk on his compressed lips. She realized it had been a long time since she had seen him smile, in truth. She motioned for the guards to leave and she sat on the bench in front of the force-wall. She had all the time in the world and the guards had received orders from the Queen. She was the huntress and his friendship the prey. Such a fragile prey she was afraid she might not catch without hurting it. She sat back too and kept looking at him without saying a word.

Loki smirked. Of course; a game of hunter and prey. She would think she was the huntress, so haughty, and him the poor prey, in need of affection. He sneered at this thought; friendship, that was something he would never give again.

* * *

><p>Days were passing without much change. For Sif, she was on a mission. She felt as if her Queen had sent her here, but she wondered if she was lying to herself. She was here for herself, for an answer she wanted so badly. Loki, on the other hand, was admiring Sif's determination. In the end, he decided he would give in. He was bored and he wanted to be left alone. Her stare was unnerving him. There was something in her eyes, a want... Loki stopped the track of this thought. No, not want, of course not <em>want<em>, why would she want anything from him? He closed his eyes, he could not go there, the past was dead. She killed it that fateful day.

'So, my Lady, you never really told me what you wanted? Information on my plans perhaps? The situation of my formidable allies, who will come to free me, no doubt?' He was smiling his cold smile.

Sif was listening, observing him without a word. She waited a few minutes and then, 'You are Laufey's son. You are a Jotun.' There. She stood up and left.

She had known from the beginning the first thing she would say. Those simple words. To let him know that she knew, with a calm tone, almost pleasant, without judgement, or at least she hoped. And then leave him be, to think.

* * *

><p>She met with Frigg in the garden and she noticed it was becoming a habit. 'Sif, how is my son today?'<p>

Sif shrugged, 'I would hardly know, my Queen, it has been two days since the last time we _talked._..'

Frigg looked at her, gauging, 'Are you playing with him?'

Sif shook her head. 'No. I am trying to _catch_ his attention. Or I won't be able to reach him.'

Frigg nodded. Yes, of course. Loki would be in a horrible mood and wouldn't listen to anyone. He would cut himself off from the rest of the world. She sighed, 'Sif, I did not ask for this. I...'

Sif cut her off, 'My Queen, with all due respect, I am not doing this for you.' She looked at her, long and hard. Frigg smiled slightly. She patted Sif's arm and continued her walk. Sif looked at her and went back to Loki's cell.

'So, you know...' A little, bitter, smirk. 'How hard was it to discover a snake in your little heaven?' Loki's tone was acid.

She sighed, 'It was hard to realize the boy with whom I grew up with was one of the giants we have been taught to hate... And also to accept, as you're not really that big...' The last part was made on a joking tone. She looked at him, head tilted.

He snorted, 'No, I am not. Thor is the big and strong one...'

She rolled her eyes and cut him off, 'Even he won't pass for a frost giant... Besides this snake thing is a Midgardian reference and we are not living in a heaven...' She shook her head, annoyed by his capacity to change subject so easily. She sighed, 'Please, Loki. I did not come here to fight with you...' She approached the force-wall, almost touching it.

'Careful, it's cold...'

She raised an eyebrow, but decided against noting his interest in her well-being. Rather she said, 'Thank you, I know... But how could you know if you did not test it?' So he _had_ tried to pierce the wall.

Loki looked at her, an air of mock pity on his face, 'Come on, Sif, it's _me_ you're speaking with...' As she snorted, he added, slightly amused, 'It is a very unladylike sound, my dear...' At his words, she looked up in surprise and for an instant, he smiled and asked, 'And if I know it's cold because I tested it, you know it's cold because...'

Sif laughed softly, 'Because I checked its resistance against an escape. Come now, Loki, it's _me_ you're speaking with...'

There was a moment of peace, the two of them on each side of the transparent wall, a memory of past banter between them. Finally, Sif broke this moment and said, her head lowered so that he couldn't see her eyes, 'Loki, I have a question for you.' She heard him walk back to the bench and sit.

When she looked up, his face was cold again, his tone bitter when he said, 'Of course, a question, my Lady. I am surprised you have waited so long before asking anything, the fate of the nine realms lies in the balance...'

Sif rolled her eyes, tired of this. And she was ill-at-ease with the question she so wanted to ask. It was not a question of universal importance; it was not a question that would save the world. It was a selfish question, something she had wondered since the discussion with Frigg. 'Why did you not call after me when I left the field?'

Loki looked at her, stunned, 'What? What sort of question is that?' His face was still a mask of cold contempt and Sif, her own face hot with shame, realized he didn't remember. She felt so foolish to think that, after all this time, he would. Frigg had been wrong and she, herself, had been stupid. She turned on her heel, brusquely and left without another word.

Loki stayed still. What had just happened? Was it another game to force him to cooperate? But he had seen her face, and she had never been good at hiding her emotions. Why did he not call...? And then Loki realized what she was speaking of and his heart skipped a beat. The Ball, Thor, Sigyn, when she had asked Thor despite the fact that he had already accepted her invitation. A thought, like a knife in the dark, dawned on him; he had just wanted to play with Sigyn, mock her for being so sure of herself, but he never thought of what Sif would think, that she could misinterpret what he was going to say... And then, almost jumping from his bench to the force-wall, he called out to her, 'Sif!' But it was too late; she was gone, as she was that fateful day, when he saw her leave the field, leaving him with his heart in pieces.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4: Letting down the guard**

Sif was training hard. She had taken up against the Warriors Three all at once and she was scorning them to not hold back on her. She was exhausted and they were wary of her. She had lashed out all her anger, frustration and shame on them. They were her friends and they could feel she was upset and they could guess why; that she was dearly missing the Prince. And they were missing him too, so they could understand her feelings and help her; silently and stoically accepting her scorn and her blows.

At the end, when Volstagg came to say to her, with his rumbling voice and patting her gently, that Thor would be back soon and that he would regale them with another tale of his Midgardian adventure, she just nodded and left under their anxious looks. She had understood what they were thinking and she could not tell them the real reason for her frustration.

Once again, she found herself in the garden. It had been a week since the last horrendous meeting with Loki. She could not go back and see him. And she was angry with herself, for as a warrior she should be able to confront her fear. But it wasn't fear, it was shame. She was ashamed, for she had let something come back from the past; ancient feelings. And it was for an enemy of Asgard, a traitor, a Jotun...

Last night had been terrible. She'd had a dream. She was by the lake she and Loki knew so well. She was there with her harp, playing. Something she had not done for a long, long time. It was a part of her she kept secret, afraid it spoke of weakness to others. But Loki… Loki had known and she had often played for him. She wasn't ashamed to play for him; it was a secret, another difference that they could share. And he had loved her songs so much... Or at least that was what he had told her, those afternoons, a long time ago. This dream had brought her back to one of those moments, but she was older and she was alone. The music was sad, the harp crying its melody, and then she had heard him arrive. He had always been so discreet when she was playing, but she would always recognise him. And when, in her dream, she looked up to him, he was the Loki of now; thinner than he had ever been, his face cold and bitter, his eyes angry. He had sat beside her and she was frozen, but she did not know if it was by fear or by anticipation. The music was still playing, although her hands lay cold in her lap. And then he had leaned towards her and kissed her... and she had awoken, her heart fluttering like a sparrow in the grip of an eagle.

Her heart was leaden; she did not know what to do. She sat on a stone and closed her eyes. She was tired of this; she should be in the middle of battle, for at least when she fought, no emotions could sway her like this. She heard a sound and, opening her eyes, she saw Frigg in front of her. She made to stand, but Frigg stopped her.

'Pride is the enemy of friendship and love.'

Sif's head snapped, 'I do not love him.'

Frigg nodded, 'I did not say you did. I merely suggested Loki's pride and yours are in the middle of this...' The Queen gestured vaguely. She sighed, 'I don't know what has happened between the two of you, but he sent me a message, asking me to convince you.'

Sif looked at her, eyes dark with anger, 'Convince me of what?'

Frigg rolled her eyes and sighed again, 'Children...'

Sif was going to answer, but stopped herself short. She was a child next to the Queen... She lowered her head, ashamed and feeling sick.

'Was it so bad, what he told you?'

Sif shook her head, a little too forcefully, 'No. He said nothing... He just... did not remember anything...' Sif closed her eyes again.

Frigg was looking down at the Shield Maiden. Sif was a combative person, a warrior, she knew that, but she was visibly vulnerable on the emotional field, and Frigg knew that her younger son, as fragile as he was with his own emotions, could manipulate those around and keep his straight, cold face. 'Will you go to him?'

Sif's voice was low, 'Are you ordering me?'

Frigg was weighing the idea of actually hitting her into action, but it wouldn't help much... 'No, but I would like you to try again. Not for me, as you said some time ago, but for the two of you...' Sif was still looking down at the flowers. 'Sif, I would like my son to come back home. I would like to see him happy again. I want to be able to take him in my arms and hear his laughter... Can you understand that? And you are the only one that has been willing to take on this... challenge...' Frigg could be manipulative if she wanted to, but Sif was quick too, and so the Queen hoped she would be too engrossed in her own thoughts to see it for what is was...

In the end, Sif went back to Loki's cell. She wasn't feeling pleased about it and she dreaded the moment he would see her and speak to her. She arrived in front of him, still on his bench. 'You wanted to see me?' Her voice was cold and her face a mask. She had braced herself as if going to a fight.

Loki had stood up the moment she came in. He approached the wall, so close he could feel the cold against his body. Sif had closed herself to him, he could see that. His heart beat a little quicker and he hated himself for this. Why would she be so guarded if he hadn't hurt her? And what had he done to hurt her so much? And the only thought that came, again and again, was about that distant day. And he did not want to think it possible; it opened too many possibilities, too many emotions. He needed to keep his head clear if he ever wanted to escape. He sneered at himself, she was a good actress. He would give her that. For a moment, he had believed... No, he had let himself believe that she had feelings towards him. But he won't let her close in on him. She won't hurt him again.

Sif was oblivious of his ragging ideas. She was too lost in her own feelings, too lost in controlling them. But after some minutes, she looked at him for he did not answer her first question. His face was colder than before, colder than when she had entered the cell corridor. She wondered, for a moment, what was passing in his head, trying to read his eyes, his blue-green eyes... And she was caught in the moment when their gazes met...

Sif's eyes were hazel, almost golden in the strange light coming from the cell. Once again, Loki's heart skipped a beat when he met her stare. He hated himself for that and he hated her. He wanted to hate her, to despise her... He wanted so much to see her suffer for all she had done, and he thought, grimly satisfied, that she was indeed. Her precious Thor was now with a mortal, and how did she feel now that she was alone in her heart, set aside for someone else, for someone that was not good enough for her love... He wanted so much to ask this question, to see her take the blow, with courage as a warrior, and see her face in pain...

Sif was still looking at him and she saw violence appear in his eyes. And how could she react? She was trying to help him, but she could not see how if he wouldn't let her approach him. Pride, Frigg had said... She needed to let down her warrior stance, the mask of coldness she had put on in entering this gray world where he was contained. Still looking at him, she relaxed and let her guard down... Then she said, 'Your mother told me you sent her a message. She told me you asked her to convince me to come and see you... Here I am.' She approached closer to the wall, almost touching it. She could hear the faint sound of the energy coursing through it and saw the muscle in Loki's jaw clench. 'But it seems she was wrong...'

Sif was still waiting for an answer, something, but Loki, still close to the wall, was staying quiet. 'I came because... because I thought you might have an answer to my question...' She said this last part in a small voice, but seeing that there was still no reaction coming from him, Sif sighed, resigned, and made to turn away.

'That's it?'

Sif froze. 'W-what?'

Loki's voice was heavy with scorn. 'That's all you have? You're playing very well the poor-damsel-in-distress, my Lady, but I know you too well. You would have me believe that you came here, waited this long for just... this petty question? Please, have mercy on my intelligence. Ask your real questions and be gone with it...' He ended this in a sneer.

Sif had let down her guard, opened up as much as she could. So she took his answer as a blow and closed her eyes when it struck. She did not know what else to do and she could not let him wound her anymore. It was enough. She opened her eyes again, took a shuddering breath and said, before leaving, 'That was the only question I ever had for you.' She turned away and hurried to the end of the corridor.

Loki was looking intently at her, spying on every weakness he could find to strike her. Seeing her let go of her armour had undermined his certitude, looking into her eyes when she spoke had added to his doubt, but still he could not accept it was true. His answer had been automatic. And when he saw her leave, the pain written on her face, his breath caught in his throat. 'Wait..._wait_! _Sif_!' It came as a cry, his hand striking the wall at the same time in his anguish at seeing her leave him, again.

The hiss of pain made her turn around more than his call. She went back slowly to the cell and saw Loki, cradling his hand, standing still beside the force-wall. His face showed pain and it was evident he was trying to hide it. He looked up at her, shakily lowering his hand. He swallowed and made a small smile. 'It is n-not only c-cold...'

Sif glared, not smiling, not moving. Of course it wasn't just cold, it was meant to hurt and kill anyone trying to get out. His hand was now blue, the same color as the frost giant she had fought, not so long ago, beside him. And there was the smell of blood in the cell now. She frowned. 'Are you wounded?' She gestured to his hand, even as it was changing color again. She could see now the bruises and burns on it.

Loki shook his head, somewhat jerkily, 'No. I will be a-alright.' His breath was slowly calming down.

Once again they were staring at each other. 'I came back. What do you want?' She wanted to tell him how she was tired of his games, how she had enough of this. But she couldn't, it would show too much of her weariness, her weakness. So she stayed cold and waited.

Loki could see that she had, once again, snapped shut. The pain in his hand was barely supportable, but he couldn't acknowledge it. She hated weakness, and the last thing he wanted now was to show his weakness to her. He tried to move his fingers, but the pain was threatening to crack his own mask. He stopped, hoping she had seen nothing. He breathed deeply, looked into her eyes, and said in a coarse voice, 'I did call after you, my Lady. But you were already away. You're a fast walker...'

She stayed silent, still staring at him. 'I wanted only to play with Sigyn...' He could not believe he was having this conversation, well, this monologue, with her after all these years. He felt dizzy and he could not decide if it was from the pain in his hand or for the rush of emotions. He wanted to stay defiant, to keep his cool, to control the situation, but on the other hand, a part of him wanted so much for this to be true. Sif by his side, even simply as a friend, he could not accept was possible. He was afraid to look in her eyes now, that she would read his desire, his need for her. She had yet to say something and he felt cold creeping back into his heart.

'I will be back with something for your hand.' Her voice was still cold.

He shook his head, 'I don't need any help...'

She snorted, 'Oh, _please_! You are as stubborn as your brother... I will bring back something.' And she left.

When she came back, it was with a small pack. The guards lowered the force-wall and let her enter his cell. Of course, they were an inch away from the entrance, weapons at the ready, and Loki knew he would be killed at the first threat against Sif. Which was absolutely ridiculous; Sif would probably kill him herself if he but dared to move against her. He was sitting on the bench, his back against the gray wall. She knelt beside him, still silent and grim. He said nothing, the pain had taken the best part of him now and beads of sweat were on his brow. She opened the pack and he recognised it for her own healing pack, with balm and bandages. He swallowed, she was taking care of him herself, but there was no obligation, he knew that very well. He had half expected his mother to come, in fact. It would have been normal, correct even... He was lost and the pain wasn't helping him.

Sif knew his hand would have been damaged. These walls were terribly dangerous. What had passed in his head to do this? He would have known of their lethal potential and she wondered if it was a well played part of his plan to mollify her and escape... Still, he needed attention.

Loki was looking at her while she was taking care of his hand. Her face was serious, worried even, while attending to it. She washed it carefully, with great gentleness, mindful of his pain. He was trying not to moan, his jaw clenched, but he could feel the sweat trickling along his back. She dried his hand slowly and then she put the balm on each finger, his palm, slowly and carefully massaging each part of it. At first the pain had been difficult to control, but it began to fade as the balm began to take effect. She then wrapped his hand in a fresh bandage. His mouth was dry, either because of the pain or because of her hands touching, caressing, his own. He trembled slightly.

He looked up at her when she stood and began packing again. 'Thank you.' She was still packing and stayed silent, as she had been since returning. 'I suppose it will be the end of your daily visits?' He wanted his voice to be strong, but he wanted her to understand. He was begging her to come back, with this simple phrase he was trying to reach her. _Please, please, come back to see me, please._ These words repeating themselves again and again in his mind, but words he couldn't say.

He kept looking at her while she finished packing. Then she looked back at him. 'I will come back.' Her stance was still cold, but he felt relief flooding through him and once again he hated himself for wanting to believe. 'Do you need anything?' Her voice showed mild concern while she was examining the cell. Turning to him, she added, 'Beside freedom, of course...'

He laughed, slightly bitter, 'You're reading my mind, my Lady...'

Sif shrugged, 'I know _you_ Loki.' She then leaned towards him, put her hand lightly against his cheek, a few seconds, and turned to leave the cell behind her. Loki stayed still on the bench, not trusting his legs to support him. His eyes were closed, his heart racing. _Please, let it be true, please_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Part**** 5: Please.**

She came back, as she had said, and he couldn't stop himself being amazed. It was impossible she was here for him, so he was trying to figure out his brother's plan... In the end he had to admit _he_ would have been the one to construct a ploy as devious as this. Thor wasn't into subtlety, but he could have sent Sif to coax him, thinking Loki would then be more willing to reveal his schemes... Still, a part of Loki could not believe Sif would fall for such a manipulative ruse. She did not like him, for what he had done certainly, but she would not let herself be the pawn in this type of game. She had always been straightforward and even blunt in her interactions with him. But there were other possibilities; his father could have sent her, without telling her why... Once again he chastened himself; he was trying to find an explanation for her behaviour, for he could not allow himself to believe it was anything other than a way to extract information.

But when she arrived, the next morning, Loki felt his heart stutter. She was still in her warrior garb which meant she had not let her guard down. But she was smiling at him when sitting in front of his cell and her voice was warm when she asked him about his hand.

'It is already better, my Lady, thanks to your ministrations.' He gave a thin smile... He did not want to change too abruptly; it would alert her that he was merely trying to deceive her. He had decided that he would let himself be nicer to Sif. In the end, she would relax enough by his side that he would be able to learn what all this was about. And, a part of him said, he would be able to spend some time with her...

She nodded, 'I am glad to hear that...' She hesitated, shifting uneasily on the bench. Loki stood up and approached the force-wall, 'Careful!' Her voice rose in alarm.

Loki raised an eyebrow, 'My Lady, I am not such a fool that I will hurt myself again willingly... Besides, I won't impose my care upon you again.' He let some bitterness into his voice, waiting to see her reaction. He saw her sigh with exasperation and stand up too.

Approaching the force-wall, she said, 'You did not impose yourself, Loki. I will not let you suffer. I am not made that way, you know it.'

Loki let himself smile and nodded. 'I know, my Lady. I was merely joking...' He saw her raised eyebrows and she shook her head, annoyed. She was so easy to read for him. Even if she was wearing her armour, she had visibly decided to open up to him.

'You are such an insufferable prince, Loki.'

He snorted at this remark, something she had told him more than once before. 'You disappoint me, Lady Sif...'

She looked at him, 'Really?' A small smile on her lips, 'And in _what way_ have I disappointed you, oh mighty Prince?' Her tone was ironic, but she was still smiling.

He let himself harbour an ironic smile, 'Well, of all the questions, you chose a strange, selfish and inappropriate one.' He added in disapproval, 'Really, why ask about this distant and forgotten day? I wonder what my _mighty brother_ might think of you...' He was cringing inside, he hadn't planned to say this, but something had pushed him to do so... On the other hand, he was sure the truth would come out now and, he admitted to himself, he dreaded it.

'You dare insinuate that I am merely here for... for... a petty game of manipulation?' She was struggling to speak, her voice full of surprise and... resentment? 'Your _brother_ has nothing to do with my presence here.'

She was angry now, like he had rarely seen her. But it was a lie. It couldn't be anything else. His own anger grew in kind, 'And youwould have me believe that you are here out of _kindness_? When did the great Shield Maiden of Asgard show kindness to Jotun enemies!' He sneered, 'Don't insult my intelligence with this, _my Lady_...'

Sif shoot back, 'Your intelligence? If you were so _intelligent_, you wouldn't be in this cell, Prince Loki of _Asgard_...' She was trying to check back her anger, her fists clenching, 'I wanted to _know_...'

He shook his head, not ready to let go, 'After _all this time_? You wanted to know _this_ after all that has happened?' His own voice louder, he yelled, 'Why now? Who do you think I am, a simpleton? You are here to learn from me, to spy on me! There is no other reason!'

Sif yelled back at him, 'I am here because your mother told me you needed friends!'

'And you are going to sacrifice yourself? How noble of you; the Shield Maiden befriending the Jotun Monster!'

'You are an idiot! I am here because your mother told me that you never wanted Sigyn! That you were in love with me!' He was silenced and Sif took advantage of it, 'But now I see that she was wrong! You merely kept the stupid box full of my stupid locks as a trophy of one of your successful tricks!'

His heart sunk. His mother had betrayed him. He had confided in her and she had betrayed him.

Sif saw his face and snarled, 'Oh, don't you dare think your mother has betrayed you! Don't you dare! She only wanted to help you and I... I wanted to try...' Her voice was strangled and he saw her swallow. She stared at him, her face a mask of pain and anger, a tear rolling along her cheek, 'I will now leave you alone.' She sneered, 'Who knows, perhaps your dear Sigyn will come to see you. After all, you two get along so well...' Sif turned on her heel to leave him behind, again.

'_No_!' She froze and turned slowly to look at him, anger written on her face. Looking at her, he swallowed and in a low voice, almost begging, he said, 'No... Please... Don't go away...' Against his better judgement he felt emotions rushing in, his heart racing. _Please._ He saw her hesitate, still on the verge of leaving, her face a field of warring emotions. 'Sif...' She looked up at him, 'I am sorry...' _I am sorry for so many things_.

She was visibly struggling. She looked around, avoiding his gaze now. He closed his eyes, feeling sick. She knew, everything, and she was here, for him... And he had lost her, again... A part of him was still telling him it was a plot, but his heart had won this war. His head slumped; he opened his eyes and went to sit on the stone bench.

'I am sorry, too...' With her hazel eyes on him, wide with all that had not been said, she began to smile, a small thing, fragile, hesitant and shuddering. And Loki's heart went to her; he wanted so badly to take her in his arms... His hands were shaking.

They stared at each other, without a word, for a moment. 'I really have to leave, Loki...' Her voice was still tense, 'But I will be back.' He saw her recompose herself. 'You know what it is to live in this Palace...' A smirk.

He nodded but he could not speak yet, his throat still tight with emotions, his chest aching. She approached the wall and said, softly, 'I promise, Loki, I will be back... For you.' And she left, again. And his heart was saying, please_, please_.


	6. Chapter 6

**Part 6: There's a price to be free**

She came regularly after that. By a silent mutual agreement, neither of them talked again of _that day_. It was evident that it was a wound for each, a long forgotten wound, festered beyond healing...

Loki had come to crave those few moments with her. He was still having trouble believing what was happening. Of course, Sif never said she loved him, but she was here, with him, talking to him. She had even laughed when he had said she was wasting her time with him... At first, she had been tense, believing he was referring to her trying to find out his secret. Seeing this, he had quickly dispersed her doubt, stating that he was afraid she would end up bored in this gray corridor, speaking to a sombre prisoner...

At that she had laughed a warm laugh and his heart tightened. Then she had said, with a half-smile on her exquisite lips, 'I cannot be bored with you around, Loki Silvertongue. I have never been.'

Sif was carefully avoiding speaking about Thor or of any subject too close to his brother. And he was glad of it, but he could not stop worrying. His whole body would tense from time to time when listening to her. Was it a trap? Would his brother come here and take her away, laughing at his pain? In those moments, he would look at her, at the way she spoke to him, the way she answered or simply smiled. He couldn't bring himself to believe she was lying to him. She had never been that way. He would then sigh and smile, a little sadly. Sometimes Sif would notice, her look becoming interrogative, and he would then try to find an explanation... And she would accept it, and he would see her looking away, knowing he had just lied to her. It was painful, for each lie he was telling her was like a wound, he could see it on her face. But he couldn't find the courage to tell her how afraid he was to lose her... That it was but a dream, an illusion.

There was another, positive, aspect to these visits. The surveillance around his cell had relaxed slightly. And Loki wondered; was it a plot to test him? His desire to escape was still there, but each time Sif was around, this same desire was drowned by his need of her. And he was stalling the time when he would escape.

For a brief moment, he entertained the idea of taking her with him, but he knew she would never betray Asgard, the King and Queen and his brother. He did not want to hear her say so, knowing that it would hurt him. But when he wasn't careful enough, his mind would imagine the moment, of Sif fleeing with him to another world... And this image would inevitably break his heart, for he knew it would never happen.

As time passed by, he saw with interest the level of security slowly decrease. A part of that was certainly due to Sif's own presence; the guards were always more relaxed when she was around. She was a formidable warrior and he wasn't sure he could defeat her without getting out unscathed or even alive. It wasn't a thought he liked much, to have to kill or hurt her to escape, or simply to fight her. He was sure she would be disappointed when she realized he was gone. He had accepted the idea that, at least, she had become friendly with him.

He had made up his mind though and, one morning before the changing of the guards, he acted; small magic, a few illusions and mostly the fact that the guards were tired. Sweet talk had always been a great asset for this kind of endeavour. Once out of the corridor, he allowed himself a small smile.

Which froze the moment he felt the point of a sword in the back of his neck. He stopped and slightly spread his arms to show he was unarmed. Somewhere, he hoped the fact that he had escaped without hurting anyone would slow the hand of his unknown attacker.

'And here I was thinking you would not betray my trust in you' Sif's voice came as cold as steel.

His whole body tensed and a chill coursed through his veins. 'My... Lady...'

Her answer cut him, and the sword pricked his skin, 'Shut up, Liar.' She shoved him aside so that they could see each other, her sword still at his throat, 'Go back to your cell, Betrayer.'

Her voice was dripping with contempt and it struck him hard. But what else could he imagine? That she would gladly see him escape while under her guard? 'Your insults are telling me that I have indeed hurt your ego, Sif.' He scorned her.

She did not answer; she just pushed him away, back to the cell. He resisted and he felt the sword bite his skin. 'I said _back_!'

He felt blood trickling slowly from the cut at his neck. She wasn't jesting; her face was as expressionless as her voice now. The warrior was out and after him.

A fleeting idea of fighting her passed through his head. She hustled him, harder than before, 'Don't even _think_ about it, Betrayer.'

He smirked, 'I would almost believe you can see what I am thinking...'

Her eyes were unblinking, wide and cold. 'That is the last thing I would like in the world, Liar. I would feel soiled by what I would find...'

Her words were painful to hear. His heart was falling to pieces... And he was again berating himself for getting caught up in past emotions.

He was still not moving and she pushed the sword deeper, but the pain in his heart was stronger than the one at his throat. He sneered, 'You would only see my desire for escape... Did you _really_ think I would stay _here_? In this gray cell, slowly _dying_ of boredom?'

She did not answer. She pushed again and this time, he gave in. Slowly, they moved back to his cell. She shoved him inside with a grunt and, while leaving, touched something on the exterior wall. He turned immediately and saw another barrier appear in front of the force-wall.

'I don't know how you did get out... And I don't want to hear any of your lies, so you can keep them to yourself.' She stared at him, hard, still cold and expressionless, only violence visible. 'But you will find this harder now...' Gesturing to the new barrier she added, 'This is a ward and has been made specifically against Jotun enemies.' Her smile was like a knife's blade, 'I am pretty sure you will appreciate the attention...'

She made to leave when he spoke, 'I will try again to escape. I won't stay here...'

She did not turn to answer, 'Then we will fight.'

His voice was bitter when he said, 'Then one of us will die...'

She shrugged, still with her back to him, 'It is your choice.'

He wanted to scream at her, to make her understand he never _had_ any choice in the matter... He only said, 'Really, what were you hoping for, Sif?'

She turned then, 'Your mother was hoping for you to come back to your family...' She swallowed, and he finally saw the first crack in her mask, 'And I... I was believing...' She did not finish. She just looked at him, grief written all over her face. Then she closed herself off and left.

* * *

><p>'Do you realize what you have done, my son?' Frigg was angry and desperate.<p>

Loki was seated in his cell, barely moving. Only his eyes seemed alive. His voice was toneless when he answered her, 'Betrayed my beloved family? Asgard? My brother? I don't know; there are too many people feeling betrayed by my actions...' He stood wearily and added, 'What were you expecting me to do, mother? Become again the good little prince everyone wanted me to be? But I never _have_ been this good little prince... Never!'

She sighed with exasperation, 'You did not even try...'

'But why would I! I am a Jotun! Who would trust me now? Who would give me a chance?'

She glared at him, 'I would have, your brother too... And Sif. She had given you this chance.'

He closed his eyes at her name... He asked in a small voice, 'How is she?'

Frigg wanted to snap at him, but knew better, for he would lock himself away again. 'She's sparing with the Warrior Three, she seems...'

'Unhappy...' Loki's voice was muffled by grief.

'If you know that, why did you do it?' He looked at her, and Frigg saw the pain and the rage there.

'Because I won't stay all my life in here, I will not end my life as a prisoner.' He continued, 'And she would never have been... happy... You know it as well as I.' A shuddering breath, 'Not that she was in love with me, anyway...'

Frigg approached the barrier, 'Loki...'

He shook his head, 'Leave me, mother. There's nothing more to be said.' He went back to sit in his cell, not looking at her.

Frigg sighed again, a weight on her maternal heart. She could do nothing more and she would not send Sif again. She had seen her face, the pain and betrayal written there. She had tried and she had failed. Her back straight with her own pain, the Queen of Asgard went slowly back to her apartment, grieving for her son.


	7. Chapter 7

**Part 7: ****Beware of your wishes **

Days were passing by without much change. Sif was still coming, but it wasn't for him anymore. She was inspecting the guards, the wards, the wall; everything that was containing Loki. She was always guarded and she never answered any of his attempts to get her attention. In the end he stopped and just kept looking at her. His heart was heavy, but he could not blame her. He would have liked her to understand why he had escaped, why he would try again. There was nothing for him here, and even her new found friendship wouldn't be enough.

So he was extremely surprised and, he had to admit to himself, a little pleased when he saw her coming to stand in front of the cell. There was preoccupation written on her face and he wondered what was happening.

'Prince Loki, I am here to inform you we have reason to think individuals will try to come and _contact_ you.'

He was looking at her, trying to read through her mask, but she kept everything cold. He smirked, 'You are here to tell me formally that allies are coming to rescue me?'

She glared at him, visibly disgruntled. 'If I were to think those _individuals_ have anything to do with you, I would have killed you myself... without hesitation!'

Loki caught his breath at her violent words. Something was wrong. 'What is it all about, Sif?'

She looked away, but said, 'We have found out a plot. Someone wants to obtain information on the secret ways between the Nine Realms. Secret ways you know about...'

He was still trying to understand, Sif was visibly worried... And it looked like it was for him, something he couldn't comprehend. 'Sif...'

She sighed, 'Loki, everything you have done... Even if it was reprehensible, it was for Asgard. Or at least, that's what you said... That's what you wanted us to believe' She swallowed, 'What I would like to believe...' He made to answer but she raised her hand and cut him short. 'Those individuals, they want your secrets, but they want them to conquer and destroy Asgard!' She stepped closer to the ward and force-wall, 'You are devious and most of the people think of you as a betrayer, but I believe that you will not threaten Asgard.' She lowered her head, 'I want to believe that you would protect those secrets to protect your home and people...'

His heart was racing again, his throat tight with emotions. She had just admitted that she believed in him... Well, that she _wanted_ to believe in him. He looked up at the ceiling, closed his eyes in painful relief, _she believes in me_.

'Loki. You are in danger...'

He looked down at her, meeting wide, worried eyes, her face so close he could almost touch it, if not for the containing field. He quirked an eyebrow at her, fighting the stupid urge to reach out to her face, 'In danger...'

She shook her head, visibly angered by the whole situation, 'Yes... As I said, those people...'

He cut in, '_Who_ are they, Sif. You've avoided telling me since the beginning.'

He could see she was struggling and she spitted out, 'They are from Asgard.'

'Asgardians?' It was unheard of, unbelievable...

She sighed, 'Yes, Loki, I don't know why, don't ask me why! I've never been good at politics...' She lowered her voice, 'You are in grave danger. They will stop at nothing to get to you and your information. They know you are low in the favour of the All-Father, of the people of Asgard...' He snorted at this obvious comment, but she continued on, 'Loki, _please_! I wanted to warn you!'

He laughed bitterly, 'Oh, Sif... I am glad you care for me enough to come...' He gestured to his cell, 'But what can I do? I am a prisoner, I can't really hide... Besides, I think they would have trouble getting to me, don't you?'

There was still something not quite right and he saw her bite her lip. 'Magic. We think they could use magic...'

_Ah_. That was another matter completely. He knew fairly well that his containment cell had been made to prevent him from using his magic. But it was from the inside... 'You think they could use it to break the wards from outside... and get to me...' She nodded, avoiding his gaze. He sighed. 'Sif... I know I have betrayed... _everything_ in your eyes. But I will not let them get to those secrets.'

She shot him a dark look and he stopped, not understanding why she was so angry with what he had just said. 'I _know_ you won't! I just don't want you to be...' She faltered, looking at him with wide eyes, realizing what she was going to say... She cleared her throat and then added, softly, 'Be careful. Be vigilant. That's all I am asking from you...' and she left with a last look towards him.

* * *

><p>The next few days had been tense. He could see that the guards had been warned about a possible threat to him. He had difficulties still to believe Asgardians could actually choose to betray their own realm... But he had absolutely no doubt that some would want to harm <em>him<em>. He had never really been appreciated, and his last actions had certainly not helped.

A sound at the end of the corridor caught his attention. A quick look at his guards told him they had heard it too. They had received orders to not leave him alone and so they were still in front of his cell when a sudden flash of light ended their lives. Loki, who had approached the force-wall, jumped back. It had been a powerful display of magic. His heart was racing. He had been found. Strangely, his only thought was for Sif. He hoped she would not arrive now. She would have to fight to stop this, and she would be wounded or worse... And he could not accept that.

Two people, in Asgardian garb, were in front of him now, a thin smile on one of their faces. 'Oh, great Prince of Asgard, we have come to save you!' A faint chuckle came from the other one.

'You will excuse my reservation, but as a Prince of Lies, I am quite able to recognise one.' His own smile was cold. Whoever they were, he had to tread carefully. They could help him escape, but Sif had been right. He wouldn't give up the Secret Ways; it was not something he wanted to share. After all, it gave him an advantage over everyone else. They looked at each other and the taller of the two just shrugged. He took out a strange device that he then launched through the wards and the force-wall. Loki stepped quickly back against the far wall of his cell. Things were not going well. This device had just passed through all the containment fields.

When the demon appeared, Loki knew he was in a vast amount of trouble. Whoever they were, they had obviously made a powerful pact with beings of other realms. And he was without any means to defend himself. He heard their laughs when the demon launched at him and he tried to avoid it. As quick as Loki was, the demon was quicker and dripping with magic. The demon hit him hard and his back met violently with the bench. He was trying to regain his breath when a second blow came at him. He felt himself fly against the other wall. And this time, the demon did not wait. Loki felt clawed fists falling on him, blood in his mouth, his vision darkening. He lost consciousness whilst hearing one of the men say, 'We want him alive.'


	8. Chapter 8

**Part 8: Pain and hope.**

Pain. So much of it. Loki did not know how long he had been there or where he was. He had lost track of time. Each torture was more brutal than the previous. His whole body was crying in pain, every inch of his skin raw, his throat sore after so many screams. At first, he had tried not to, it would have given too much satisfaction to his captors, but, in the end, it was the only way to let go of all the pain. _And he had said nothing_.

Sif... His mind was clinging to the idea of her, of her words, '_I want to believe that you would protect those secrets to protect your home and people..._' She had trusted him, she had put her faith in him.

Hearing a sound, Loki opened his eyes to one of his torturers. He would not give them the satisfaction of cowering in fear, but he could feel cold sweat trickling on his brow and his skin crawled with the memory of the last session. They had been very inventive. They had even found a way to hurt him with cold spells. His only grim satisfaction had been to see their faces when he had changed, instinctively, into his Jotun form... It had been short lived though, for it had led to other means of torment, as they had approached with their tools and questions.

Each time they would come to him, each pain and wound they would inflict on him; he would focus on her eyes wide with worries, on her face, her smile... He wanted to see her again, to tell her what a fool he had been. She had become his only world, the place where he could go and forget everything... When they began again, Loki closed his eyes. _So much pain_... _Sif. Oh, Sif!  
><em>

* * *

><p>She was cold with fury. They had found the guard's bodies. Loki's cell was empty, but it was pretty evident he had not gone willingly. There were traces of a fight and blood... They had taken <em>him<em>. They had hurt _him_. Wherever they were, Sif would find them and make sure they would never again threaten him. Odin himself had entered into a terrible rage and ordered for his son to be found. The head of this group would certainly know a terrible fate at the All-Father's hand. She just hoped she would be first in finding them, and make them pay.

And now they were closing in. Loki, ever the trickster, had left a magical trace behind him. How he had done that, while defending himself against a visibly stronger foe, Sif could not comprehend, but she was glad he had such a devious mind. But her heart was chilled with worries. It had taken time to find where the trace was leading and, meanwhile, anything could have happened to Loki.

When they entered the low roofed building, the smell of blood was everywhere. Her double sword at hand, Sif walked forwards, slowly. There were traces of battle. After examining them, it seemed to Sif the kidnappers had fought between them... It was good somewhat, she just hoped the wining party hadn't gone away with Loki, or killed him... A cold knot in her stomach followed her thoughts. _No, he is alive_. Still investigating this room, she discovered a couple of stairs, hidden behind a rug, heading down. She followed them, carefully, sword at the ready, with guards at her back. When she arrived, her heart stopped and she muffled a cry.

Loki was there. And she wanted to weep. Looking around and sending the guards inspecting the room, she quickly went and knelt by his side. He was unconscious. He had been tied by his outstretched arms to the wall. He had been made to kneel, the intention of inflicting horrendous pain evident in every detail. Loki was in his Jotun form and she wondered what had happened... But, right now, it was not really important. The guards were back to assure her all was well and that they were alone. She nodded and, gently, she cut Loki loose from his bonds. He slumped, lifeless, into her arms.

Her heart was racing. She could see the faint pulse at the base of his throat but that was the only sign of life and it was so weak. She reached to his face, cupping it with gentle care. She whispered, oblivious to the guards' uneasiness, 'Loki... It's Sif. Please, wake up, Loki...'

_Loki_. Her voice, he could hear her voice. _Loki, wake up_. He wanted to hear her forever, to hear her call his name over and over again in this soft voice... _Please, wake up_. Her hands were on his face, gently stroking his cheeks... _Her hands_. He opened his eyes to her face, bent over him, worry and grief plainly written there. He could see tears at the corners of her eyes. He tried to call her name.

'Shush. Say nothing...'

He tried again, he croaked, 'Sif. You came. For me.' He saw tears rolling on her cheeks and a quivering smile.

She nodded, still stroking his face softly. And then he felt her close her arms around him and cradle his body against her own. She was saying, over and over again, 'I am here now, Loki. I am here now and no one is going to ever hurt you again. _I promise_.'

Relief. _She was here. _A small smile played on his lips before he closed his eyes and let himself fall into darkness.

Sif was overwhelmed. His body was a mess and, now that it was changing back into his Asgardian form, she could see better all that had been done to him. Her anger grew, burning everything now. She would bring him back to the Palace, she would insure he was alright, and then she would hunt those responsible for this... _outrage_. They would pay in the most horrible manner and the All-Father had better find them first or there would not be enough of them left. She pledged this on Loki's inert body. Tears rolling freely on her face, she gestured to the guards. They were leaving for now. But she would be back and there would be blood...

* * *

><p>Sif had spent most of the next few days at Loki's bedside, hoping he would awaken. Frigg was there too, supervising her son's healing. They spoke scantly to each other; they did not need to say much. After her arrival with Loki unconscious, Frigg had carried on from there. He had been at the healing room for some days and now he was back in his own bedroom. Frigg had been adamant about it and even the All-father had, in the end, given in... The Queen was a formidable woman, something people tended to forget when meeting with the Royal Family.<p>

When Sif had found Loki, his frost giant aspect had been a shock, but seeing him in so weak a state had overwhelmed everything else. Beside, when she had taken him into her arms, Loki's skin had not felt any different, only the color and the strange markings. She could not deny he was a Jotun, but she realized how much she didn't care and she was amazed at her own reaction. But was it so surprising? She had known him for so long...

Those days at his bedside had allowed her to think about what she was feeling. She had, always, felt close to Loki. They were different from the other and yet they shared common interests and they'd shared laughs at Thor's expense. After the day of the Ball, things had changed; a gap had appeared between them and they had grown cold towards each other... When Sif had seen an opportunity to rekindle this friendship, she had taken the chance, admitting to herself how much she had missed this bond between them. But, now, she just could not hide the truth. It was so much more than friendship.

She had seen, the rare few times he had let his guard down, the need in his eyes, the hope she had lit in him with her actions, her words... And it had, in turn, awakened her own hope. But Loki had never been an easy man, and each time he had lashed out at her or when he had tried to escape, Sif had felt betrayed. But there had been a part of her that had understood. He would not let himself be caged forever and she knew he'd always had difficulties admitting anyone could care for him, especially after their misunderstanding. And the discussion with Frigg had made her grasp how difficult it had been for Loki, always doubting his own worth, to learn he was one of the enemies of Asgard.

When she had found him, her heart had broken. He was so weak. He was in need of help... And it was then she had realized how deeply she cared for him. And the core of this affection, this _love_, was the need Loki had for her. Thor had never shown any need, of anyone. He was there, warm and smiling, never doubting, never in need of encouragement. Thor had always been sure of himself, his place in the realm, confident in the loyalty of his friends... Thor was easy to love, for it was like loving the sun; a warm presence, never to falter. Loki was different. He had always been in need of reassurance, even when they were close friends. He would always doubt himself, the love of his parents, or the friendships around him. Was it for him? Or just because he was Thor's brother...

It had then dawned on her that what she wanted was to be needed. She wanted to feel this need for her love... And in return, she wanted to give all she had, all her passion, to prove her love, again and again. She wanted to be at the side of her mate, being there for him, protecting him...

Thor would never allow himself to be protected. He had never really accepted help in battle. Oh, he would go into battle with them, the Warriors Three, Loki and Sif, but fighting back to back? No. He was too sure of his own strength and he had never liked sharing the glory of battle.

On the contrary, Loki had fought many times at her side, his quickness and dagger an excellent counterpoint to her double sword. His lithe grace and magic an asset to her fight. And she had always relied on him, as he did on her. They were protecting each other... It had been the only field left where they weren't cold to each other...

Seeing Loki, unconscious in his bed, made her heart ache. He was slim compared to his brother, but he had never been so weak, never been so helpless... And now she was hoping she could tell him how much she wanted their friendship back, how much she had been terrified of losing him and, most of all, that she loved him. She wanted so much to see his eyes shine again, to see his mouth smirk... She was holding his hands and her heart was saying, _please_.

When Loki awoke, the first thing he heard was his mother's voice. She was whispering to another person, 'I assure you, Sif. My son will be alright. You should have taken more rest...' He could hear by her tone that she was upset and he wondered if Sif had spent most of her time at his bedside. An idea that made his heart race... He opened his eyes to the two women he loved the most. Even if one of them was forever away from his reach. He smiled weakly and Frigg, seeing this, sighed in relief. Sif was now looking at him and he saw lines of weariness as well as signs of tears. His throat tightened and he realized he could not doubt anymore what he was seeing. She smiled in return, a poor smile, and he felt a pressure on his hand. Sif was holding it. He just stared at her, in complete disbelief. Even the pain he was still feeling had faded away in his shock at feeling Sif here, by his side, her fingers on his skin... His body was tingling.

Frigg was looking at each of them, an eyebrow quirked and a soft knowing smile appeared on her face. She stood up and had to put her hand on Sif's shoulder to stop her from standing as well. 'Stay with my son... That is an order from your Queen.'

Loki was looking at her, dumfounded. Sif stammered, 'But... My Queen... Your son...'

But Frigg shook her head and said, 'I will see my son soon enough. I can see he is well now and I think you two have things to discuss...' A meaningful look at Loki and she added, to Sif, 'Besides, you are soon to leave. You better speak with him... _now_.' And the Queen left the room, smiling, under their two stunned gazes.

'You're leaving?' Loki was still trying to process all that was happening, but it was difficult, with the pain and especially with Sif's hand gently stroking his own. He saw Sif looking away, sighing, then looking again at him. She smiled this new, small smile of hers that was so breaking his heart.

'I have to... go... On a mission... somewhere...' She stopped, she couldn't be more precise and it was difficult for her. She added, to make him understand, 'I really can't say, Loki... I am sorry.' She was hoping he would understand that she wasn't rebuffing him. She was looking at him, at his face still wearing the stigmata of his ordeal. And the knot of hot anger came back... She swallowed and tried to focus on the fact that Loki was still alive and awake now, and that she was able to speak to him... Still looking at him, she thought that there was another way to make him understand, more clearly than any words...

Loki could see the storm of emotions on Sif's face. She wasn't even trying to hide anything. He was so intent on her face that he did not realize what was happening before feeling her lips on his own. He gasped and felt his heart race. For a moment everything went dark around him. A faint groan, as if he had been struck, escaped his lips; her kiss had been so soft it had been almost painful.

Hearing this, Sif pulled back quickly, afraid she had hurt him somehow. Loki tried to speak, his hand going to her face, to keep her close... They stared at each other and, finally understanding, she leaned forward with a sweet smile and kissed him again.

His heart beating like a crazed horse, swallowing with all his feelings rushing, Loki reached for her hair. Her beautiful, dark hair and, caressing it, he cupped her head and pulled her closer, slowly. He was afraid she might refuse, that she might change her mind and flee, but he felt her smile while she parted her lips. Sif then deepened their kiss with a sigh... And Loki stopped thinking.

After a few moments, when they had stopped and Loki had caught back his breath, he said in a hoarse voice, 'You have a delicious way of changing the subject, my Lady.'

She laughed and caressed his cheek delicately, detailing his face... But she said nothing more. Taking her hand and gently stroking it, he added in a low voice, 'Sif, after what just happened...' Loki swallowed; he had yet to fully believe it had actually happened. 'I want to believe that I have... become someone important to you...' He looked at her questioningly and she pressed his hand in answer, but still she said nothing. For once, she was the one being enigmatic, and Loki did not like that at this moment. There was something wrong and he was dreading it. He begged, 'What is it? Tell _me_, please... You seem almost... afraid by this mission.' Of course it was absurd, Sif could not be afraid, but she was hiding something from him. And what could it be, now, after they had shared such a moment...

A chill ran through his body, there was only one explanation, 'Is it... Is it so dangerous that you are not sure you will be able to return?' His throat tightened, in anguish now. It was possible; it would have been so _typical_... He had finally reached the woman he'd loved for so long, without hope, and now that they had a chance together, she would be sent away from him, somewhere so perilous he could lose her. A bitter thought came to him then, 'Is it... a mission from my father?' Could it be? Would his father send Sif away if he disapproved of their relations?

Sif was looking at him. She shook her head, seeing where his thoughts would lead him. 'No. It is a mission of my own making. I have taken it because...' Her voice changed, cold now, 'I want the blood of those who have hurt you so.'

He could hear her silent rage. He laid his head on the pillow, closing his eyes in despair. 'Sif, I don't want to... I don't want you to be hurt.'

She sighed, caressing his face gently. 'Loki, I cannot let them get away after what they have done. I have promised myself that they will pay.' She swallowed, 'That no one would get to you and hurt you again...' She leaned forwards and kissed him, lightly now. She put her fingers on his lips, stopping what he was going to say. 'Loki, you won't be able to stop me. I just wanted you to know that... That I care for you...' It wasn't what she wanted to say, but she could not find the strength to say the other word. Not yet.

Loki was fighting his despair, he was trying to find the strength to smile at her, that she would not leave with a memory of his sad face. But it was hard. He asked, resignation in his voice, 'At least tell me where you are going?'

She sighed again, 'I can't... I really can't...' Seeing how hard it was for him she added with a half-smile, 'It is really to protect you, my dear. I don't want you to risk your life in trying a dashing rescue!'

Loki had not the heart to laugh. He was struggling to keep his calm; he did not want to lose her, not again. His hand tightly gripping hers, afraid to let her go now, he asked again, 'Tell me, _at least_, when you are back... Give me hope...'

Sif's heart broke at his last words. Hope. She had reopened his heart and she knew her leaving like that was hard for him to bear... If he had been better, he would have come with her if she had asked... And she wasn't even sure he wouldn't try if he knew where she was going.

Sif studied his face; his eyes blue-green, worried now, his lips, tight again... She sighed; she could not answer him for she had no idea. The only answer she could give him was a kiss, a deep and passionate one, enough to take his breath away. She then stood up, looking at him with all the love she could give him, and said, 'Do not worry, my Prince. I will come back to you.' She then smiled again and her voice changed to say, 'I have... _things_ to finish with you, Loki.'

Her gaze was promising so much, her voice husky with desire, that Loki felt dizzy and had to lay his head down again, closing his eyes while she left his bedroom... She had said she would come back to him. She had given him something to hope for, something he had never hoped to have. He should feel happier than he had in a thousand years... So why could he not stop fearing this mission, why this feeling of dread in his heart?


	9. Chapter 9

**Part 9: Even hope can die.**

Loki's recovery was slow. Frigg wondered if it was the worry about Sif's prolonged absence that so weighed on her son's mind... He was restive most of the time and she could see he wasn't sleeping well. He was keeping a straight face, but she noticed how it would quickly decompose when away from the crowd of the Palace.

'Did you hear something about Sif?' This question would come almost every day that Frigg came to see him. And each time, she had to disappoint. She could not answer him, simply because she did not know. And because Sif had asked her, specifically, to not tell Loki where she was going. Sif was visibly worried he would try to come after her... And Frigg wasn't absolutely sure he wouldn't try. But even she was beginning to worry for the Shield Maiden. It had been too long since the last time Odin had received news from her... She hoped the young woman would be alright, for her sake, but mostly for the sake of her son's heart.

Loki was wandering aimlessly. He had guards following him around in the Palace, but he didn't care. He could have escaped, or tried to... But he didn't have the heart. All he could think of was Sif's words, her face while speaking about fighting for him. She had meant every word, she had been pained by what had happened to him. He could not go away now... Sif, her first kiss, her promises, this hope she had given him, this second chance, had been the strongest chains he had ever met... And he knew he himself had closed them around him... He would not escape before he could even explore what she had offered. It was too unexpected, at this moment in his life; he would not throw this chance away. And, most of all, he wanted to know where she was, how she was doing.

His mood was dark and he had tried to avoid all visitors. Not that the _traitorous second son_ had received many... So, it was without great pleasure that he noticed his brother, the mighty Thor, coming in his direction. He sighed. Since his incarceration, Thor had never come to see him. He wondered what had changed, what his brother would ask of him... Perhaps he had come with questions from his little Midgardian friends... Loki wanted to get rid of him as quickly as possible; he wasn't in the mood to squabble with his brother.

'Greetings, brother...' Thor's voice was strangled.

Loki did not even spare a look at him, 'What do you want, _brother_?' He kept looking at the fountain in his mother's garden, a place dear to him, for he had often sneaked in it as a child at night, with Sif by his side... He could remember every place where they had hidden.

Thor sighed, trying to keep his calm. He was troubled, clenching and un-clenching his fists. 'I need your help, brother...'

Loki was still ignoring him, knowing perfectly well that Thor would lose it and, rather than hit him, would leave him alone. Something Loki was wishing with all his heart... He felt a hand on his shoulder; Thor, forcing him to face him.

Thor tried again, struggling to contain his rising anger, 'Please, brother, it is of the utmost importance...'

Loki's face was set in stone; he would not give anything away to his brother. He had nothing to say to him. They stared at each other for a moment longer, then Thor lost his calm and seized him by the arm, raging in his face, 'Mother told me you had changed, that you would be willing to help me in this!' He then released him brutally, sending Loki a few steps away. Thor then breathed deeply, and added in a disgusted voice, 'But you're still the same. You care for no one but yourself...' Looking down at him, he said, regrets creeping into his voice, 'And here I thought you would help me in finding her...'

Thor was turning back when Loki grabbed his arm in return, 'What did you just say?' Seeing Thor hesitate, he lost his own cool and grabbed Thor by the front of his clothes, '_What did you just say_?'

Thor's hands pushed him away without difficulty, a scowl on his face, 'I said I was hoping for your help in the rescue of Lady Sif.'

And the world of Loki darkened again; he stumbled back, as if struck... Thor quickly realized something had just gone wrong for his brother and he put a solicitous hand on his shoulder...

Loki did not even realize, his mind racing with images of Sif in danger, wounded… worse... He felt dizzy... What he had so dreaded...'Where is she?'

Thor looked at his brother's face; there was something new in there, his green eyes searching for answers, visibly worried... Thor wondered about this_. Could it be?_ He said, trying to appease his brother, 'She was on a mission in Jotunheim...'

Loki closed his eyes then, devastated at the idea that Sif had been in that terrible place and was now in danger, all because of him. _Jotunheim, no_!

'Brother, are you alright? You do not seem well... Perhaps you should get some rest... I will come back later.' Thor's voice was anxious now, seeing Loki reacting this way had put doubts in his mind. He had known Sif was the one who saved his brother from the traitors. That she had spent almost all her days before leaving at Loki's bedside. But now, Thor was wondering if his little brother might have fallen again for their childhood friend. An idea that would have been comforting if not for the danger Sif was now in.

Loki's hand gripped his arms, '_No_. I won't rest while she's in danger. While she may be wounded or... ' His last word caught in his throat, no, he could not say _this_. He looked at his brother, his eyes determined, 'I want to come with you.' He saw Thor hesitate. His grip convulsively strengthened around his brother's arm, '_Please_...' His eyes earnest now, not able to beg with his words, but hoping his brother would understand.

He saw him sigh, slumping slightly, 'Alright... You can come with us.' He gave in, but couldn't stop himself from saying, 'But, I would have preferred you to be safe here, using only your knowledge of this realm...'

Loki had relaxed when Thor had agreed to his demand. He bit back an answer, trying not to anger him now. He needed to go there, to see for himself where she was, to help her... He said, in a low tone, 'To be safe here? Or to be caged here, without being able to help anyone?'

The two brothers stared at each other, the guards around them shifting uneasily... Finally Thor lowered his eyes, 'I wish only for my friend Sif to be safe. She has been missing for too long.'

Loki swallowed, looking away now. Biting his lower lip, he said, 'And _I_ wish only to do for her what she has done for me...'

A hand slapped him on his shoulder and Thor, smiling now at his brother, gestured for the guards to follow them while they walked back to the palace. 'Aye, brother, we're going to Jotunheim, you and I, as in the good old days...'

* * *

><p>It had been worse than they thought. Visibly, Sif's faction had fallen into a trap. The two brothers, the Warriors Three and a company of men in arms had gone to the Frozen Realm. And they had found only death. The battle had been terrible. Bodies of Frost Giants and Asgardian warriors were lying intertwined.<p>

Loki was desperate now; there was no sign of Sif anywhere. Had she been taken away? He could not imagine her at the hand of his captors. To think they might do to her what had been done to him... No, he would go crazy.

Thor's face was a mask of grief. They were searching for survivors, for something or someone who would be able to help them find the Lady Sif. And they were hard pressed for time. The longer they stayed at the same place, the riskier it was to be found by a Jotun party.

After some time searching around the battle ground, they found traces of a fight; two people moving away from the main battle. Hogun discovered the body of the last of his captors, but Loki did not even spare a glance for it. He was focusing on the small pile of clothes he could see further away... There was so much blood, he felt his heart stop. She had been slashed very badly, but he realized she must have been alive at the end of her fight, for she had tried to protect herself from the cold before losing consciousness.

With trembling hands, he reached for her, taking her limp body in his arms and began to gently rock her. Her face was white and small bubbles of blood had dried at the corner of her nose and mouth. His own hands were cold with dread and he fumbled with the clasp of her cape to reach for her neck. Feeling the faint pulse there, her skin still warm under his fingers, made him giddy with relief, a faint moan escaping his lips... Closing his eyes, fighting the tears that were threatening to appear, he tightened his embrace around her. He would never let her go away again, never. _Oh Sif, don't leave me now..._

A light hand touched his shoulder, and he met the gaze of Thor. When he saw his brother moving to take Sif from his arms, he jerked away from him and scooped her up into his arms while standing up. He would not relinquish her to Thor, not again.

Thor said nothing, staring as Loki's chin rested lightly on Sif's head, his arms tightening around her. He turned to his other companions and gestured for them to move.

They were going back to Asgard.


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10: close to you**

Sif had many dreams. There was pain in them, sometimes, but she wouldn't let the pain stay, for _he_ was there as well and she wanted to keep only him in her dreams. She dreamed of him, of his hands caressing her hair, of his voice calling her name, asking her not to leave, and she wanted to laugh, for why would she leave now? There were others voices too, she could almost recognise them, but they weren't important. No, she wanted just to hear _him_, to dream of _him_, and, sometimes, she could almost feel his lips on hers... _Loki_.

Thor had come, once again, and it was becoming increasingly frustrating for Loki. He wanted to be alone at Sif's bedside. He didn't want to acknowledge it, but he was afraid of Thor's presence when she was in need of attention. And always he would wonder why she would choose him, Loki the trickster, the weaker of the two sons, when the Mightiest of all the Asgardians was here?

Besides, he was feeling an obligation to let go of her hands while his brother was around. He did not know how Sif would feel if he were to let Thor, or her friends, know that she had showed affection for him... He was convinced she would like to keep it a secret and he could not blame her. He knew all too well how people could twist tales with their slithering tongues. And she deserved better than being the subject of those who would insult him. Being with the second Prince, the traitorous one, the Jotun, even if few knew about it... Loki wasn't sure she would accept this very long and he would do anything to protect her, even if, in the end, it would mean leaving her side... But he would not think about it, not now...

'Why are you here?' He could not take the sting out of his voice.

Thor quirked an eyebrow at his brother, surprised at his tone, 'I could ask the same of you, brother...'

They stared silently at each other for a moment, Loki seated beside Sif's bed while Thor was standing next to him. Neither of them gave an answer, they were looking at Sif while she was still unconscious, and they did not want to break the peace of the healing room with their bickering.

After a moment, Thor said in a low voice, 'She seems to sleep peacefully. I cannot believe she has yet to come back to us...' Loki let a strangled laugh escape, but said nothing. Thor looked down at him, 'You did not answer my question, brother. Why are you here at her bedside, every day?'

Loki shot back, without even thinking, 'And you? You are as often as me around her bed...'

Thor's voice came rumbling, not understanding his brother's behaviour, 'This is tiring, Loki... I am merely wondering about you, about this new found affection for Sif after so many years of cold treatment...' Smarting, Loki stood abruptly, ready to retort in his anger and fear of Thor finding out about Sif and him.

'You... two... are really... insufferable...'

They froze. Sif was looking at them, dark circles shadowing her eyes, but smiling weakly... Loki felt his legs give in and he had to sit again. _She is alive!_

Thor laughed in his booming way and slapped Loki on his shoulder, relieved to see his friend back from the dead, 'My Lady Sif, it is good to hear you again!' She smiled, but they could see she was tired for she closed her eyes almost instantly...

Loki was trembling, his relief nearly unbearable. He wanted his brother away, it was almost painful. He wanted to talk to her now...

Thor was still looking at Sif, smiling softly then, turning to his brother, he whispered, 'We should probably go and let her rest...'

Once again Loki was taken by anger, because Thor was still trying to order him around, to take him away from Sif... But before he could say anything another voice came from the doorway.

'Really Thor, I have been looking for you since this morning. I was wondering if you were hiding from me.' With a gentle smile, Frigg, Queen of Asgard made her entrance. She could see the tension in Loki's body and the obliviousness of Thor. Of course, he would not realize how dearly his little brother would want him to be far away from the woman he loved... She shook her head slightly and hooked her arms through Thor's. 'My son, I need you now so I would be pleased if you were to follow me... this instant...' Seeing Thor raise his eyebrows, she pinched him slightly and glanced discreetly at Loki.

Thor was struggling to understand what was happening, but, seeing his mother's glance and the face of his brother leaden with concern, he realized that something was going on with his brother and the Shield Maiden... He tried to hide his smile at this good news, but it was a lost cause, his face being so expressive...

Fortunately, Loki's attention was once again focused on Sif so that he didn't see the gentle smile on Thor's face while looking at them. Frigg, seeing this, decided that now would be a good time to take their leave. She caressed lightly Loki's hair and left with Thor still hooked at her arm. She needed to speak to him about this situation and the need for discretion for as long as necessary, until Loki was ready... It would certainly be difficult with Thor, for her elder son had never been good at subtlety.

Loki relaxed now that his mother and brother were away. Even with Frigg around, he could not be himself with Sif. She seemed to have fallen asleep again, and he hated his brother for making him miss this chance to speak with her. Right when she would awaken, when she would need to know he was here for her... No, of course Thor had to spoil this moment by being his obnoxious self.

Fingers caressed his hand. Sif was looking at him now, a very small but sweet smile on her face. With a knot in his throat, he smiled back at her, feeling silly.

'Did you stay by my side all along?' Her voice was raspy, still weak...

He swallowed, it was hard to see her this way, and he answered, his voice still a little shaky, 'Yes. I wanted to be the first one that you would see...' He shrugged, 'But now...' He heard her laugh, with difficulty, for her ribs had been broken and even after healing, pain would be lingering.

'Loki, you have been the only one I dreamt of... And you have been the first voice I heard... And now you are by my side...' She shook her head slightly, with a faint frown for doing so, 'I was glad that Thor was there though...'

If at her first words Loki had felt pleased, his pulse quickening slightly, he felt his face darkening at her last, but said nothing. Seeing this, she shook her head again and Loki felt a pang of guilt for she was visibly still in pain...

'Loki, he is my friend... I will always be happy to see him.' She sighed, she had hoped he would understand, but she realized it was far too soon... She had made a mistake and so, with a contrite tone she said, 'Loki, he is my friend, but you are so much more now to me...' She sighed, 'There is something I wanted to say to you... That I should have said to you earlier.' She looked at him, noting his lips still pinched together, 'Loki, I love you...' There, she had said it. While she was lying in the cold, feeling her blood escaping her body, she had felt regrets for not saying those words to Loki. And she had wished to have spoken before dying so that he knew he was loved...

His world had just stopped. These words… he had waited so long, he had given up the hope of hearing them. He was looking at her, this smile of hers and, without realizing it, he leaned down to kiss her, a passionate kiss. A groan and a hand pushing him back make him stop, confused. For an instant Loki believed he had made a mistake, that she was refusing him, that...

Her voice, sweet, 'Be mindful of my ribs, beloved...'

Loki blushed, his emotions in turmoil, 'I-I am sorry... I...' but he never finished for Sif, still clutching the front of his clothes, brought him back into a kiss, a more careful one this time...

After a few moments, and a few kisses, Loki found his voice again. Sif was looking tired and he was afraid it was too much for her, so soon after her awakening, but she had gripped his hand tightly when he had wanted to let her rest... He was caressing her face, holding her hand and she had closed her eyes, smiling... 'I thought I had lost you...' His voice was muffled by the pain he was still feeling. It was fresh in his memory.

She opened her eyes, 'I am sorry, beloved...' His heart lurched when she had said this word the first time, and now he could just smile, shaking his head in disbelief. 'I would not have died, my love... I have an _unfinished_ matter with you...' Her smile, even tired as it was, was once again full of promise and he felt his pulse accelerating...

Still, he had something to say to her, 'I was afraid... you would die before I could tell you...' His voice died, it was difficult, he tried to mouth the words, but nothing would come... He lowered his head, in shame. She had told him she loved him and he had wanted to see her again to be able to tell her this exact same thing... And he could not...

Fingers, on his lips. He looked up at her, at her eyes, soft, smiling at him.

'It is alright, beloved. I will wait until you are ready...' The pressure of her fingers stopped him from saying anything. 'There are many ways to tell you love me, Loki... And I like this one the most...' And once again they fell into a kiss...

When, finally, he left her, she was asleep again, a sweet smile on her lips. Before exiting the room, he gave her a last longing look and, seeing her contented face, for the first time in so many years he could not remember, Loki truly smiled.


	11. Chapter 11

**Part 11: When the past comes crashing down **

'That's the only way for me to get outside... Please, Loki.' Sif was on her bed, her bare feet dangling from the side. She was looking at him with pleading eyes...

He sighed; he had noticed how difficult it was for him to say something when she was looking at him like that, though he was thankful she did not do so very often... He looked at her, head tilted and arms crossed, 'I thought the healers said you should not move from here for another couple of days.' It was an old conversation, one he'd always won. But he knew perfectly well Sif would not stay in place for much longer now, for she was growing more and more restless.

Still, the last few days had been blissful. He had never been so happy. He would come, early, and they would hold hands and talk. She would ask about minor things or he would do a few magical tricks. Hearing her laugh was a balm for his soul. He would hold her sometimes, when alone, and she would rest against his shoulder and the world would stop for him, his heart at peace... And, each day, with a knowing smile, she would wait for his gift...

The first time had been accidental; she had been hungry and he had brought her some honey cakes. She had been so pleased by this simple gesture, he had felt like repeating it. It had been sweet fare to begin with, then small treats of no consequence... He always felt awkward bringing gifts to her, feeling like a very young boy again... But seeing the smile on her face and the light in her eyes, each time he brought his small present, won his heart. And then it had become a habit, something she was waiting for and something he was happy to provide.

Recently, their discussions had been about Sif's desire to go out. And each time, Loki had won the argument. But now, Sif would not relent. She wanted to be outside, in the garden with the sun on her face, and grass under her feet... 'Loki, I will go out whether you help me or not.'

She now had her resolute face on and he knew he would have to find another wining argument quickly, or they would have their first dispute. Something he wasn't ready for, just yet. 'Sif, it is for your own good. Please, understand. I cannot support the idea of hurting you...' Of course, he was cheating. Playing her guilt against her, that he would do anything for her, but hurt her...

But this time, she wasn't taking it anymore. She looked at him, upset now, 'It is not for my own good! Don't you dare hide yourself behind this lie. You are just afraid that someone will see us while you're carrying me in your arms. Don't deny it!' Her voice was rising with resentment and he felt his own anger rise in answer. She had said he was lying... Of course, she was right, but still...

They looked at each other and Sif felt her heart break... She saw his face hardening when she had said he was lying... She hated herself for saying that but she'd had enough of this. All she wanted was to tell, no, _to__shout_, to all the Nine Realms of her love for the second Prince, for Loki the Trickster. But he would like nothing more than to keep their love hidden.

She was upset with him, because she felt like it came down to Loki not trusting enough in her love. He had said nothing, but the way he had answered and acted each time she had brought up this subject made Sif suspect he was afraid she would leave him under the pressure of the possible scorn of the Palace's crowd. And she had felt a little offended he might think so little of her love that he could believe she would leave him for that. And the fact that, today she had almost begged him for his help, when she hated nothing more than admitting her weakness, was not helping her mood.

In the end she shrugged, annoyed, 'It is alright, Loki, I will find another way. Do not worry about me, I will be careful.' It was evidently stupid for Loki would worry and certainly feel insulted she would go outside without him. She sighed and looked away, not willing to begin a dispute with him, not when their relationship was still so fragile, but it was hurting her... She asked, in a small voice, 'Would you be so kind as to find someone who will help me in this, please?'

Loki felt his throat tighten. She was avoiding his gaze. She was angry with him and he knew she was right. Could she not understand he was trying to protect her? From the scorn, the rumours? But guilt was fighting with his anger now... He was afraid of the people's reactions but he feared Sif would never forgive him if he refused to help her.

Still looking away, waiting for Loki to depart, Sif was taken by surprise when she felt herself being hoisted up. She gasped, finding herself in his arms, his face so close she could kiss him... His voice still tense, he said, 'You are a difficult woman, Lady Sif...'

She saw him swallow, trying to fight his misgivings. And she knew she had been wrong. What she had asked for was a lot to ask of Loki. And all of this for her own petty comfort... She felt selfish and wanted to apologize, to stop him before he might regret it... She said, trying to catch his eyes, to convince him she was sincere, 'Loki, don't do that... Really, it is not all that important. It can wait.' Touching his chin so that he turned his head towards her, she added, 'I am sorry I asked you... I-I just wanted to be with you... again, in the gardens...'

Loki sighed, shaking his head. Looking at her face, worries and guilt written on it, hearing regrets in her voice, he wondered how long their relationship would last... But he felt relieved, somehow... She seemed to understand how difficult it was for him. And now he could comprehend why she wanted so much to go outside. The gardens had been their playground of old. Their better shared memories came from there... He felt his own worries melt. It would be good to be there, having her by his side, again... He smiled warmly at her, tightening his arms around her, 'Nonsense, sweet Lady, you are raving again to be so fickle.' He added, with laughter in his eyes, 'Besides, you have no say in the matter, for I am abducting you," and he left the room, Sif laughing in his arms.

No one had seen them leaving, or even arriving in the garden. Loki was sure Frigg was somewhere in here, working on her flowers, but he knew by now that his mother would not intrude. He had realized she had been actively working to revive the friendship between himself and Sif and now that it was more than that, she would leave them alone. Something he was greatly thankful for.

He settled them near a fountain, under one of the big trees where they had hidden a long time ago, spying on Thor receiving lessons in etiquette. They had laughed so much at his face, his awkward tentativeness... It was one of those moments they had shared, a private laugh at Thor's expense.

They were on the grass; Loki's back leaning against the tree trunk while Sif had laid her head against his shoulder. It felt good to have her beside him, hearing her soft breathing, feeling her warmth against him. He was gently caressing her bare arms, playing sometimes with locks of loose hair... He was smiling, his eyes closed. He wanted to keep all these moments they were living, he wanted time to stop now and to stay here forever...

Sif was staying still, feeling how much Loki had relaxed against her. Something that was so exceptional, she did not want to move, afraid it might shatter this moment of peace. She glanced at his face, his eyes closed, his mouth curved in a faint smile. She bit her lips, she wanted to kiss him right now... He was so... adorable... A faint chuckle, it was not exactly a term she would have attributed to Loki, normally...

Loki opened his eyes when he heard her soft laugh and looked at her curiously. She was still smiling and he smiled back, gently stroking her luscious dark hair. There was something in her eyes and he quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering what had just passed in her mind. Sif smile deepened, she moved towards his mouth and kissed him, at first lightly then with more and more passion. Her hand moved towards the opening of his collar, beginning to caress his chin, the hollow of his neck, slowly descending towards his chest. Loki's breath caught in his throat. He grasped her hand to stop her and looked at her, searching for an answer in her face. She only smiled again with desire in her eyes...

Heart racing, the sound of blood rushing in his ears, Loki could barely understand or believe what was happening... He tried to speak, but Sif put her fingers on his lips, caressing them in the same move... He closed his eyes, kissing their tips... Her breathing deepened, she sighed and moved closer to his body. He was shaking slightly... His hands were moving on their own and he found himself caressing her shoulders hesitantly, then her back, slowly descending, then her thighs through the thin fabric of her dress, and her whole body now.

Sif finally broke their embrace and she whispered in a husky voice, 'Perhaps we should go somewhere more... discreet, beloved.'

Loki was looking at her, eyes bewildered, and could only nod. In his wildest dreams, when he had been stupid enough to let himself think about her, about this improbable moment, he would have been the one to ask her. Overwhelmed by these emotions, struggling to accept what was happening, he lifted her, without even thinking about what others would think of them, and walked briskly towards the Palace.

* * *

><p>They were now lying on her bed. Loki was on his back, looking at the ceiling of her room, not really seeing anything, just lost in his thoughts and in his feelings, a faint smile on his face. Sif's head was on his chest, her hair splayed on his shoulder. Loki did not know if she was asleep, but he did not want to move. He was gently caressing her bare back, feeling her soft skin under the tips of his fingers. He was in a dream and did not want to wake up... What had just happened was beyond all he had thought possible and still, she was there, nestled against him.<p>

But even now, in this moment of joy, something was nagging at him and Loki wished it wouldn't. He could not stop himself. This idea would not go away, would come again and again, and it was spoiling the first time they had laid together... He knew that he wanted to know what had happened, that night after the Ball. It had been haunting him ever since... And even now, when she had shared her bed with him...

Sif moved against his body, and looked at him curiously, 'What is it, my love, you are so tense all of a sudden?'

Loki kept stroking her hair and just smiled weakly, shaking his head. He could not ask her, not now, but he wanted to know... She changed position, seeing something was wrong. She pulled her legs under her and knelt on the bed beside him, so that she could now look directly into his eyes. She was staying silent, lightly caressing his arm, waiting for him to speak...

Loki could see the terrible scar she was still harbouring from her fight in Jotunheim. He traced it with a finger, swallowing nervously at the thought of what this scar meant. He had been so close to lose her. And now, with this question, he could lose her in another way... He hated himself for being so insecure... He tried to tell himself that the past was the past, that she was with him now. After all, she had called his name but a few moments ago... not another name... _his_ name...

Sif was staring at Loki, who had remained silent. She could not understand what could upset him so... Right now, after those wonderful moments they had just shared. She caressed his face, and asked again, 'What is it, Loki? Tell me, my love...'

He closed his eyes and, almost against his own will, he asked in a raspy, shaky, voice, 'My brother... Was he... Did he...' Loki was trying to find the words, but it wasn't easy. He could not stop thinking about that night, what he had heard, what he had felt... In the end, he said, harsher than he intended, 'Now that you have lain with me, you can tell me, was I better than my brother?'

Sif just stared at him, stunned... Where was this question coming from? If it had not been for his face, the terrible pain and need written on it, she would have laughed. It was so ludicrous... She realized Loki was waiting for her answer now, his body tensed, his eyes searching for, she was sure of it, any hint of a lie... She felt hot anger rise in her, to ask such a thing right after they had been together? To speak of his brother, now, when the bed was still warm from their embrace? Besides, she felt ashamed that Loki could believe this of her. What was he thinking?

She fought against her annoyance and struggled to say, in a detached, calm voice, 'Loki, I do not know what makes you think I have ever... _lain_with your brother...' Her voice was disgusted on the last words. With a sneer she added, 'It has never happened... So I will not be able to satisfy your _curiosity_...' She could have added that even if something like this had happened, it should have been none of his concern and was in the past... But she knew her lover well enough. If she could not convince him she was saying the truth, Loki would keep this jealousy and anger in his heart, and it would rot there and end by spoiling this relationship they were trying to build. But still, she was angry with him. That he would ask this of her, that she had to justify herself...

Loki was trying to see through her lie, for she was lying to him, surely? He had been there that night, that painful night. He knew what he had heard, he could still hear her in his memory... But seeing how calm she was while answering, hearing her anger simmering in her voice, he began to doubt... 'Sif... _Please_, do not... do not _lie_ to me... I was there...' His voice was muffled by grief now, an old grief, something he thought he had forgotten, 'I was behind your door when I heard Thor's voice in your room and... your... moans...' His voice faltered... He looked at her, desperate, hoping against all odds that she was going to deny it, and that what she would say was the truth...

Sif grew cold... She did not know if she should be insulted, heartbroken or if she should just laugh in his face. That famous night was still plaguing their relationship and now she could see what was at the root of all these years of misunderstanding. She took a deep breath, calming herself. She came closer to Loki, still on her knees, almost touching him, but not quite. She took his face between her two hands and said, calmly, staring right into his eyes, 'Loki Silvertongue you are the _mightiest_ idiot in all of Asgard...' Seeing the shock in his eyes, she said with a bitter tone, 'If you had simply opened the door and dared enter my room, as you had done so many times before, you would have found me sobbing on Thor's shoulder!'

Her words struck him like a blow... Eyes wide with surprise, Loki stammered, 'B-but I saw y-you leave the ball sooner... on Thor's arms...'

Sif sighed in exasperation, 'Of course! You were so proud and pretty with your so-sweet-Sigyn...' She stopped and looked into his eyes, hoping he would see her sincerity. They stared at each other and he began to realize how ridiculous this old feud was. But it was so difficult for Loki to admit he could have been wrong, all those years. That he had lost all this time before going to Sif, that he had given up on the woman he loved for... nothing... And what he had done to her, because of what he had believed he'd heard... He closed his eyes, not able now to look at Sif, feeling terribly ashamed...

He felt her hands on his shoulder, wanting to pull him closer, but he resisted, feeling unworthy of her comfort, her love... He heard a sigh again, and felt her come closer, sitting on his lap and then pulling his head to her chest. She wrapped her arms around him, in a protective embrace, and began to rock him.

She said, softly, 'Loki, I love you...'

Still unable to stand her gaze, he laid his forehead against her, feeling her hands gently stroking his hair. In a strangled voice, he said, 'I cut your... hair, for that... I cut...' He was struggling now, trying to explain to her, 'I could not stand it... I... You and my brother... It was too painful...'

A sob escaped him then and, pulling him closer, she whispered in his ears, still cradling his head, rocking him with her whole body, 'My love, I know, now... I understand...' She kissed his head, gently resting her chin against his hair, 'It does not matter anymore, my love... We are together now...'

And finally, he let go of this old, old pain, his whole body racked by sobs, in the arms of the woman he loved.


	12. Epilogue

When he arrived in the room, it was already dark outside and the fireplaces had been lit. Sif was playing chess with Hogun. They were alone at the moment. Feeling the cold of the fall creeping in, Loki went to prepare two cups of sweet wine. He didn't really need it, but he liked the taste, and he knew Sif would be glad of it.

He came beside them, putting the warm cup on the table near Sif, Hogun grunted a welcome and focused back on the game. Loki then sat, moving close to Sif, his knee touching hers. He sat back and spent some time watching the two players. It was a peaceful evening. In the end, he placed his hand on her shoulder, softly caressing it. She smiled, still intent on her game.

Still sipping his wine, and watching, he let his hand slowly move down along her back and settle at her waist. Sif then shifted slightly, so that their legs and thighs were touching. He smiled to himself, such a small gesture and still he was revelling in the sensation, in the fact that he was able to do it...

A hand on his own shoulder made him look up, to meet the gentle smile of Volstagg. He smiled back to the giant who then walked towards the table full of food that was waiting for them. Loki was still surprised at the new found kindness of Volstagg towards him. Of course, he had never been the most antagonistic, but seeing how Volstagg was now, while preparing a sumptuous supper for himself, looking towards them with this kind, fatherly look, made Loki slightly uncomfortable; he wasn't used to this affection.

A loud discussion announced the arrival of Thor and Fandral. Thor smiled broadly when he saw his brother and Fandral nodded in his direction, still trying to win the argument. Loki had been surprised at how easy it had been for the Warriors Three to accept their relationship. Fandral had been the most surprised, looking at Loki as if he had never seen him before. Hogun... had not really reacted... a quirk of an eyebrow had been the only sign of his surprise. And Volstagg... Volstagg had been the most expressive, and emotional, of the three. Something that had surprised even Sif when the giant had burst into tears...

Thor had not seemed surprise, and Loki had realized their mother had already talked to his brother. He had been overjoyed when he and Sif had decided to speak to their friends. Loki could remember Thor, slapping him on the back, smiling broadly and hugging Sif, making jests about the Shield Maiden abusing his little brother... Loki had been slightly embarrassed at first, but seeing how happy and radiant Sif was, had won his heart...

Still, they were discreet. Holding hands, sitting together, or any of the little gestures of tenderness between them, were kept for those moments when they were among their friends and family. But in the Palace crowd, they were keeping them to themselves. Staying side by side or talking to each other was all they would allow themselves to show; they were keeping the face of friendship in the eyes of the people of Asgard.

But even then, rumours had begun... To Loki's great surprise, they weren't as vile as he had feared. Some of them were painful though; saying Sif was aiming for the Throne, that she was the one to manipulate Loki or that she was merely with the Second Prince out of despair... There were also some telling about spells Loki had cast on the Shield Maiden or those accusing him of pushing his brother into the arms of a mortal, by stealing his bride...

Strangely they did not last long. Their discretion, the support of the Warriors Three, the open and staunch support of Thor, had quelled the worst of them. People now were whispering of how Sif, brave Shield Maiden of Asgard, risked her life to help the Second Prince in his redemption. Some anonymous poet had even written an epic story where Loki had become a hero, resisting alone the traitors and fighting enraged Frost Giants to save his love... It was one that had made Loki laugh. But he had admitted, once, while resting in the dark by Sif's side, that he had loved this feeling of being the champion...

It was a bitter victory for him somewhat. People adored Sif, she was known to be fierce and faithful. Seeing her by his side had changed the perception people had of Loki. Once again, he was in their favour, but not for himself... But he did not let this upset him too much, he was glad things were easier than he had feared. Glad he could be at the side of the woman he loved, without having to hide...

There was something else that kept Loki from being too bitter. The rumours had been like a wave; coming, crashing down on them and leaving... But there was another wave that came and this one crashed down on his brother.

The story of Thor and Jane, of the love of the heir of Asgard for a mere mortal, was at the center of the most vicious rumours. Loki couldn't help but find it ironic. He had always thought people would spit on him for doing what he had done. That Sif would suffer for having chosen him in place of Thor. But now, Loki had come to realize, Thor was the one to suffer. After all his brother had done, for the realm, for the people, to save so many lives, he was the one to be judged and criticized, for letting his heart speak true. Because he had fallen in love with a mortal.

Loki was thinking about all of this whilst sipping his wine, feeling the warmth of Sif by his side and his fingers caressing her waist, softly as not to disturb her in the game of chess. Thor and Fandral were still arguing, but he wasn't really listening to them...

He was thinking that life was strange indeed. There was a saying, _crime __never __pays_. Looking at what he had done, almost slaughtering an entire race, trying to get rid of his own brother, creating mayhem in different realms... He had done terrible things, but still people had tried to help him, to save him, people had showed him love and compassion. He had done nothing to deserve this. But here he was, beside Sif, while his brother was criticized, scorned; Thor the mighty and noble warrior, whose only mistake was to love the wrong woman. This made him wonder if, sometimes, crime did pay after all.

Loki hadn't noticed Sif watching him, an amused smile on her face. Smiling back, he quirked an eyebrow at her.

'You're thinking too much, my love,' she said with a tilt of her head, while resting her elbow on the back of the couch. Loki realized then that they had ended their game for the night, knowing they will continue the next day. Hogun had left and was now speaking softly with Thor and Fandral, while Volstagg was finishing his supper. He smiled apologetically, tightening slightly his hand around her waist.

'You know me, Sif, always something on my mind...' His tone was humorous, but he saw her eyes darkening with worries. He leaned towards her and kissed her lightly, pulling her closer with his hand at her waist. 'It is nothing, my love, do not fret.' He saw her smile again, still slightly concerned. He knew she was always careful of his moods, trying to find and alleviate the slightest cloud... Finally, she sighed and leaned against him, whilst he nuzzled her hair, planting a kiss on the top of her head, his hands on her back now.

Thor was watching them, a kind smile on his face, but his eyes were sad... Loki knew why; his brother had told him once how lucky he was that the woman he loved will be always by his side. That he was able to be with her, whenever he wanted...

Still holding Sif in his arms, his fingers tracing meaningless figures on her back, Loki thought how ironic life could be. He realized something else, in this quiet evening, with friends and his lover by his side.

He wasn't sure he would not do it again. Life could be boring sometimes. Mischief and tricks were something he could not really live without. It was a part of him he could not refuse or deny... He did not want to anyway. Besides, he had secrets that he had kept from his brother and father, allies and plans he hadn't dared speak about... He did not know at this moment if he would ever make use of them... But it was a possibility. Right now he only wanted to rest, heal, to drink this sweet cup life had given him, until the last drop. After that, he did not know…

Sif shifted and he let her go. She smiled at him, kissed him on the cheek and stood to walk towards the Warriors Three and Thor. Loki stayed seated, watching her, her grace, her smile, her dark hair loosened... And he wondered, when the time would come, if it did, would she leave with him?


End file.
